Fowl's Wolf
by Aneko Kohana
Summary: Rating just in case. An American girl visiting falls for Artemis. But what will happen when he discovers why she is in Ireland?
1. The Fowl Meets the Wolf

Disclaimer: Diana Wolf, Cassandra Tempest, Bradley Parker, and Eternity Dante are MINE, MINE, and MINE! The others belong to Eoin Colfer.  
  
I gave Artemis a British accent just because I can't picture him with an Irish accent. He seems more British, so he's got a British accent. Don't flame me. Really. Don't. Constructive criticism is good, but flames are not, especially since I have a nasty temper.  
  
Fowl's Wolf  
  
Chapter One: The Wolf Meets the Fowl  
  
Diana Wolf stepped off the plane and into Ireland. She had only a suitcase with her, as she wasn't exactly a billionaire. She had a few necessities, and that was it. She sighed. Twenty was way too young for this.  
  
"Di! Wait up!" her friend Cassie called.  
  
Cassie lived nearby in Dublin, where Diana would be staying. Diana, Cassie, their friend Eternity, and Cassie's boyfriend Brad were already waiting for her. All Cassie and Diana had to do was to drive there.  
  
"You look great!" Cassie squealed.  
  
"You're lying," Diana said with a wan smile. "I'm pale as death, skinny as a stick, and I've got a scar the size of my finger on my forehead that makes me look like Harry Potter."  
  
"Harry had messy black hair and green eyes," Cassie responded. "You have neater hair, even if it is black, it's a lot longer, and your eyes...well..."  
  
"I'm as skinny as Harry," Diana pointed out.  
  
"Maybe," Cassie said reluctantly. "Now come on, let's get to the car."  
  
They started walking towards Cassie's silver convertible that she'd brought from America. The license plate used to say PRNCSS. Now it said QUEEN.  
  
"Got a little more arrogant, have you?" Diana laughed.  
  
"Maybe," Cassie said imperiously. "I am queen."  
  
Diana rolled her eyes.  
  
"We don't need to get your luggage?" Cassie asked.  
  
"You're looking at it," Diana said, holding up her tattered suitcase.  
  
"Oh," Cassie said sheepishly. She vaulted into the car and started the engine. "Hurry up!"  
  
Diana stashed her suitcase in the back seat and tried to vault into the car. Unfortunately, being clumsier and wearing a short skirt, she fell backwards onto the pavement. She tried to stand and found that her high heel was caught in a sewer grate.  
  
"Wonderful!"  
  
She began wriggling her foot, trying to get it out of the grate, when she heard a roaring sound. She turned her head briefly and went back to trying to free her foot, and did a double take. A pickup was headed straight for her. Swearing, she tried to pull off the shoe, but the strap was on tight.  
  
Just as she resigned herself to being the size of a pancake, someone pushed her out of the way.  
  
"Are you alright?" a voice with an incredibly cute British accent asked.  
  
"I think I might have sprained my ankle," Diana responded.  
  
She looked up and saw a pair of deep blue eyes looking her straight in the face. She managed to get a hold of herself after a few seconds.  
  
"Your shoe broke," he said, pointing at the remnants of the black shoe that were left in the middle of the street.  
  
"It was fairly cheap anyways," Diana admitted, blushing.  
  
"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm meeting someone," he said. "I really must be going."  
  
He strode off into the airport, leaving Diana dazed behind him. Cassie leaped out of her car and ran to where Diana stood.  
  
"Are you all right?" she asked anxiously.  
  
"I'm excellent," she said dreamily. "Who was that?"  
  
"Who, the guy? Not sure, but I think it was the local rich genius. Artemis Fowl the Second."  
  
"Genius? I could get along with him." Diana had been teased all through grade school and even in college and med school for being a brain.  
  
"I'm not so sure about that," Cassie said with a smirk. "He's just slightly cold."  
  
"Well, then it's a challenge," Diana said.  
  
Cassie snorted. "I'll bet it is."  
  
"I'll take you up on that," Diana said. "I will bet you fifty bucks that I can get a date with Mr. Iceman there by the end of a month."  
  
"Bring it on, woman! Not a chance."  
  
The two women swung into the car, both sure that they would be fifty dollars richer by the end of July.  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
So it was a bit short. I will try to update soon, but I am being nagged to update my other fic. 


	2. Welcome to Dublin

I am so sorry for taking this long to update! It's just that some dimwit said I was plagiarizing and I got banned for a week. Grr...  
  
I altered the first chapter to take into account the blue eyes. BLUE eyes. Stop nagging me now, people!  
  
By the way, Mulch has not brought back the coin yet. Emphasis on the yet. I allowed one year for a review of Mulch's case and then another four for him lying low for a few years. That makes Artemis eighteen when Mulch comes back. Teehee. Read the next few chapters with care.  
  
Fowl's Wolf  
  
Chapter Two: Welcome to Dublin  
  
"Here we are!"  
  
Cassie turned the silver knob of the door leading to her condo and pushed it open. Diana was immediately ambushed.  
  
"You look great!" Eternity squealed.  
  
"How's your book coming?" Brad asked.  
  
"Have you had any luck finding an acting job?"  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
Diana held up a hand for silence.  
  
"I do not look great, my book is coming along wonderfully, no, and terribly."  
  
"What's wrong?" Eternity asked concernedly.  
  
"Well, the fact that she was nearly run over by a large truck might be it," Cassie said.  
  
Eternity gasped, while Brad just looked concerned.  
  
"What happened?" Brad asked.  
  
"I tried to jump into Cassie's car that's so much better than mine, fell off thanks to the clumsiness that's all my dad's fault, ripped my best skirt, fell into the street, wedged my heel into a sewer grate, was nearly run over by a truck, was rescued by an incredibly cute rich genius guy, and sprained my ankle when the shoe tore off and was ruined," Diana answered. "I liked those shoes."  
  
"You are so female," Brad groaned. "This will be a nightmare."  
  
"What, scared of being stuck with three women?" Eternity asked, smirking. "And I thought you were tough."  
  
"Ooh," Cassie said. "An arrow through your heart."  
  
"Where am I sleeping?" Diana asked.  
  
"You're sharing a room with Eternity," Cassie answered. "Brad and I have the other bedroom."  
  
Diana's lips turned downward slightly. Her friends knew her stubborn opinion on premarital sex, but did they listen? Nooo. Well, Eternity did at least. She took a deep breath, but Cassie held up a hand to stop her.  
  
"I know," she groaned. "You've told me this speech how many times now?"  
  
"Sixty-eight," Brad answered.  
  
"Well, make it sixty-nine!" Diana said indignantly. "It's true! Would you like to end up like me?"  
  
Cassie went beet red to the roots of her flaming red hair and muttered something.  
  
"Sorry, didn't catch that."  
  
"No," Cassie said quietly.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"I think I'm going to unpack now," Diana said with deceiving calm that relaxed her friends. Big mistake.  
  
"Whew, for a second there I thought you were mad at me," Cassie said with relief.  
  
"I AM!"  
  
She stormed off to her room and slammed the door. Cassie shook her head and threw her hands up into the air.  
  
"What is up with her?"  
  
*~*~*  
  
Eternity tentatively pushed open the door to the room she now shared, where her friend was now immersed in job listings.  
  
"Di?" she asked.  
  
"What?" her friend responded moodily.  
  
"Cassie says she's sorry."  
  
"Well then why doesn't she tell me herself?"  
  
"Because she's afraid you'll bite her head off."  
  
"Oh. Well tell her I forgive her."  
  
"Okay." Eternity sat down onto the bed next to Diana. "Found anything."  
  
"N...yes! Yes, yes, yes! Perfect! Take that, Cassandra Tempest, the Wolf has landed!"  
  
"What?!" Eternity asked confusedly.  
  
Diana pointed at an ad she had circled in red.  
  
Housekeeper Wanted  
  
Cooking, cleaning, general housework. Contact Artemis Fowl I.  
  
It was followed by a phone number and address. Diana smirked and switched on her cell phone to make a call. 


	3. Interrogation

Yes, the Diana/Artemis thing was on purpose. I thought it would be fun. Besides, Artemis and Diana were my two favorite ancient goddesses. And it could be a little more than my amusement...;-)  
  
I've never actually seen The Wedding Planner. The only J.Lo. movie I've seen is Maid in Manhattan, which by the way is great. I just needed a way for them to meet and it popped into my head. Weird.  
  
I couldn't resist. I HAD to work the People into this. Just wait and see...Kat and friends will be more important in future chapters.  
  
My description of Fowl Manor is almost entirely how I imagine it. If you don't like it, deal. Agh! Petulance!  
  
I decided that three years in an elf's life is equal to one of ours because Holly's near eighty. I decided she was seventy-five, making her twenty-five in human years. MATH SKILLS! Bleargh!  
  
Excuse my descriptions of Artemis Fowl Sr. I always picture him like one of my grandfathers (the Fowl Sr. after Artic Incident) in a suit and with a cane. And richer. If my grandpa was as rich as the Fowls, I would be a happy woman indeed.  
  
Now, after one of the longest author's notes in the history of ff.net, I will begin the story.  
  
Fowl's Wolf  
  
Chapter Three: Interrogation  
  
Diana checked her outfit one last time. It was the most expensive suit she had, a black business suit with black pumps and a creamy white blouse. Her raven hair was caught in a simple ponytail, and around her neck was a circle of freshwater pearls, the cheap kind, although painted to disguise it. Matching pearls were on her earlobes. The other four earrings per ear had been removed, although the holes were still noticeable. Her interview was in half an hour and she needed Cassie to drive her.  
  
Eternity shouldered through the door and surveyed her friend's ensemble with an approving look. "Good job. Except not very much like a maid."  
  
"From what Cassie's told me, I'd better dress like this. Besides, I always look good when I go for an interview."  
  
She frowned at the scar jutting horizontally across the middle of her forehead. Eternity had managed to cover most of it up with makeup, but the scar along the side of her neck was so red she could do nothing about it. Diana rubbed it to see if it would disappear. No such luck.  
  
"Diana, come on!" Cassie called.  
  
"Coming!"  
  
She grabbed her application and followed Cassie down into the parking lot and carefully climbed in.  
  
"You could open the door, unfortunately it's broken," Cassie said sheepishly.  
  
"Sorry about the fight, by the way," Diana apologized. "I'm just touchy on that issue."  
  
"I should have known. Besides, Brad and I aren't doing anything, it's just that the couch is to small for either of us to lay on and not roll off and there were only two bedrooms, so I just had him share with me."  
  
"Sorry if it seemed like I didn't trust you. I probably sounded like your mother."  
  
"You're right, though. We're really not doing anything."  
  
"If you keep saying that I'll know you are."  
  
"You are infuriating, you know that?"  
  
"Thank you."  
  
They drove in silence for a few moments before Cassie spoke again. "You're applying for a job as a housemaid."  
  
Diana sighed. "I know, I know. I had really great plans for after I graduated and then...you know."  
  
They sighed simultaneously, then grinned at each other.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Kat hated being late for work.  
  
But she hated Commander Root more.  
  
"LONGSHANKS!" he bellowed. "Get in here!"  
  
Kat grumbled to herself as she trudged into the commander's office. Only three minutes. Three! Besides, she had a few other things to deal with.  
  
"Captain, for once, I might appreciate it if you were on time!" the commander shouted.  
  
"My daughter was sick and the daycare center wouldn't take her," Kat snapped. "I had to find a babysitter."  
  
"Get up a few minutes earlier!"  
  
"Commander, with all due respect, you have no children and therefore cannot understand the simple fact that fifteen-year-olds cannot wake up before seven, no matter how convenient it is for their parent!"  
  
Kat felt quite proud of herself. She was sure that she was the only officer in the force who could actually win an argument with Root.  
  
"Get to work!" he snarled.  
  
Kat smirked as she quickly walked out the door. Unfortunately, she was so busy gloating she tripped over a chair leg and fell into poor Major Short.  
  
"D'Arvit!" both women swore.  
  
"Watch where you're going, Longshanks!" Major Short snapped as she got to her feet, surprisingly gracefully.  
  
"Sorry," Kat mumbled apologetically, turning roughly the color of a cherry and clumsily standing up.  
  
There was obviously a reason her last name was Longshanks and Major Short's Short. Kat towered above her by at least six inches.  
  
"Get to work," Major Short snapped as she stepped around Kat and into the office.  
  
As she was walking to her cubicle, Kat was heard to be muttering to herself, "You are a clumsy kid with no more brains with a goblin...."  
  
In truth, she wasn't that stupid, although she was painfully clumsy, and she was seventy-two, so not all that young. But still the youngest captain on the force.  
  
She plopped down ungracefully into her chair and pushed off with her feet towards her desk, spinning as she did. Spinny-wheely-chairs were fun. (A/N: They are! Guess what my computer chair is...wheee!) She punched the Power button for her computer with the toe of her boot, logged on, signed on, and checked her messages. The babysitter had already emailed her from her laptop. Not Kat's, luckily. Kat's lived in her briefcase.  
  
From: SassySitter81@havenet.net  
  
To: CatoriLongshanks@lep.gov  
  
Subject: Tori Tantrum Alert!  
  
Message: tori just started screaming at me!!! i tried everything but she's still at it! i changed her diaper and tried a bottle and its long before her naptime of course but she's still screaming! HELP!!!!!!!!!  
  
~*Candy*~  
  
Kat laughed and hit Respond.  
  
From: CatoriLonghsanks@lep.gov  
  
To: SassySitter81@havenet.net  
  
Subject: Re: Tori Tantrum Alert!  
  
Put on her Alice the Atlantean disc and give her the Alice doll she's got in her toy chest. She should calm down. If not, she needs to go back to sleep early.  
  
Kat  
  
She slid back into her desk and started tapping away at her main computer. What had Foaly dumped her with today...  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Wow," Cassie said.  
  
"You weren't kidding when you said they were rich, were you?" Diana said.  
  
"You thought I was?"  
  
They were staring at Fowl Manor and walking towards the door, more staring then walking. It looked like someone had picked up the White House, made a few changes is overall design, and perched it on the top of a hill.  
  
"It's..."  
  
"Huge?" Cassie finished helpfully.  
  
"No. Intimidating is the word I was looking for."  
  
"Seconded."  
  
They decided to stop looking at the house and just walk up the path. Of course, seeing as the house was built on a hill, in truth, a very tall, steep hill, they found it more encouraging to look at what was on the top of said hill.  
  
Cassie rang the doorbell because Diana, having grown up in California, was unused to the cold winter weather here, therefore her fingers were numb. A beautiful blonde woman, somewhere in her late thirties or early forties, opened the door. She smiled warmly.  
  
"Hello," she greeted. "Are you here for the interview?"  
  
"That's me," Diana said. She turned to Cassie. "You can go. I'll call when I need you to come get me."  
  
She nodded and walked back down the path. Diana followed the woman into the house and looked up.  
  
Most people had foyers when you went into their house. But foyer did not strike Diana as the right word when she entered Fowl Manor's door. Entrance hall seemed much more appropriate.  
  
One both sides of the door were stained glass windows a full foot taller than the door itself. The floor was tiled in a matte spiral of dark blues and deep reds and forest greens. In front of her was a grand staircase shaped a little like an hourglass, sweeping wide at the top and bottom. There was an Oriental runner along the middle and two smaller one on the sides. On the left and right of the entrance hall were two open doorways, each about ten feet wide and eight tall. Through them Diana could see a considerable amount of expensive furnishings, antiques, and both.  
  
A man with graying hair using a cane limped in. He smiled warmly at Diana.  
  
"Applying for the job?"  
  
She nodded shyly. "I saw the ad."  
  
"Right this way," he said, leading her to a spacious office with mahogany paneling.  
  
He sat behind the elegant nineteenth-century desk, and she sat in front of him. He looked over some papers in front of him with a critical eye.  
  
"I see you already could be a licensed medical practitioner in America," he said, somewhat surprised. "Yet you chose to apply for a job as a housemaid."  
  
"W-well," she stammered, "there were certain...factors...in my life that made getting a job as a doctor very slim." She sounded disappointed.  
  
"You came to Ireland to find a job, then?" he said.  
  
"Sort of. More like I needed a clean slate."  
  
"You're not a convicted felon, are you?" he asked, smiling, although she could see the calculating look behind his glasses.  
  
"Oh no," she assured him. "I have a clean record, besides one speeding ticket and a parking ticket. All in the same day. Friday the thirteenth, coincidentally."  
  
He laughed a little. "When are you available?"  
  
"Monday through Friday, eight a.m. to nine p.m."  
  
He frowned. Diana couldn't tell if it was a good frown or bad one.  
  
"I'm pretty flexible except for the Saturday. I can't budge on the Saturday."  
  
His mouth stiffened. "Boyfriend."  
  
She laughed. "I wish. Single and not loving it."  
  
He smiled again. "You wouldn't be after my son, would you?"  
  
She pretended to have no idea what he was talking about. "You have a son?"  
  
"You really have never been to Ireland before, have you? Of course I do." His face saddened a little at the thought of him for some reason. Diana wondered why.  
  
He looked over the papers one last time before smiling again. "Can you work tomorrow?"  
  
Tomorrow was a Wednesday. "Yes."  
  
"You're hired. Be here at eight a.m. My son will meet you."  
  
She nodded, smiled, thanked him, and walked out of the scary house as quickly as she could without looking like a fleeing mouse. Once outside, she found that Cassie was already waiting for her.  
  
"Let's go out somewhere and celebrate, because I have my first job since college!" Diana said happily.  
  
She carefully hopped into the car and Cassie revved the engine before the convertible shot out of the driveway with a squeal of tires.  
  
And the person watching the security cameras smiled slightly and returned to their work. 


End file.
